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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29952540">hold me tight one more time (but don't kiss me goodbye)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/minikawa/pseuds/minikawa'>minikawa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Our Song [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Narcos (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, Lullabies, M/M, Major Character Injury, Protective Steve, hurt javi, im so sorry javi, please forgive me qq, we stan a protective husband</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:55:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,442</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29952540</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/minikawa/pseuds/minikawa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Steve felt himself collapse from the inside. “I know, baby, I know. I’m gonna make the pain go away, okay? I’m gonna make it all go away.” He pulled Javier into his arms. It wasn’t that long ago since Steve last held Javier like this after a nightmare, promising to protect him…</em>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve Murphy/Javier Peña</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Our Song [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2197851</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>hold me tight one more time (but don't kiss me goodbye)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello my friends! Y'all beautiful people asked for the angsty follow-up to "Lullaby," and here it is!! (although this one can be read on its own as well!) I am so so so sorry my beautiful friends, please forgive me :')) </p><p>shoutout to ch. 2 of "dont put your life at risk for me" by pedromiamor for inspiring a big part of the angst in this one!! check it out, it's soo gooooodddd and the feels are *chefs kiss*</p><p>title is from Amalee's lyric cover of "Isabella's Lullaby" from the promised neverland OST!! the original version of the song is also the inspiration for steve's lullaby ^^ i hope you guys enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>His lungs burned as he raced through the streets of Medellin, his gun tightly clutched in his right hand. More than once his feet had betrayed him, stumbling on the rough concrete. His palms and knees were stinging from being scraped against the ground, but he couldn’t allow himself to stay down for long. He pushed past the crowd of civilians as he ran, catching sight of their fearful and worried faces. But the only face that had mattered to him most remained missing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kept running.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had been separated at some poing during the raid. One moment, Javier had been by his side, both their guns raised as they cracked down on Escobar’s men. But the minute Steve reached out to touch his partner’s hand, he grasped nothing but air. Javier had no doubt run off in the direction of a stray sicario. Steve would have been annoyed at being left behind again, if it hadn’t been for the cold panic that spiked through his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Javier’s name was on his lips, but he bit down hard to keep from calling out. He knew that screaming his partner’s name could put him at risk by giving up either of their locations. It only made him more desperate as he sprinted down an alleyway, turning sharply at a corner and colliding right into—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Javi-?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve grunted as he fell, roughly landing on his bottom. Shaking his head out of a daze, Steve looked up and shot a glare up at Javier, who was looking down at him with bewilderment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve? What the hell?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should be the one asking that,” Steve muttered, accepting Javier’s extended hand to help him stagger back up on his feet. “I thought we agreed ‘no more leaving each other behind?’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I was expecting you to keep up,” Javier retorted. “Maybe I should replace you with a partner who can actually run.” He smirked teasingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling as well. Seeing Javier’s self assured smirk instantly filled him with overwhelming relief, replacing his temporary annoyance. He wanted to pull Javier into his arms and capture his lips against his own. He opened his arms and leaned closer to his partner, before Javier’s eyes widened with panic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve, look out!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve had no time to react before Javier shoved him to the ground. A gunshot exploded the moment Steve’s hands collided with the concrete. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything happened in slow motion. Steve heard nothing but the ringing in his ears as he whipped around to find Javier falling backwards, his eyes wide with pain. Red sprayed the air, the droplets splattering onto the concrete. A droplet splashed onto Steve’s skin, just below his eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a moment, Steve was back in Miami, watching the light leave Kevin’s eyes as his former partner was gunned down, crumpling lifeless to the ground-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A primal scream tore itself from Steve’s throat, fraught with an unrestrained, feral rage. Fury flooded his instincts as he whipped out his gun, shooting once, twice, three times into the assailant’s chest. He would later recognize the gunman as one of Escobar’s sicarios, the man whom Javier had given chase earlier that day. But Steve’s furious state erased the man’s face—he only saw a faceless monster, an embodiment of evil that had tried to take Javier away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the third shot, the assailant collapsed lifeless to the ground. Steve’s arms remained frozen in the same position, his gun raised in the air, trembling. His scream withered into a weak rasp, leaving his throat hoarse and raw. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A soft groan broke him out of his frenzied state. He turned his head to find Javier sprawled on his back, a puddle of red pooling below him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh God. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No-! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve tossed his gun aside without a second thought, scrambling to his partner’s side. Javier’s face was pale, contorted in pain with his eyes scrunched shut. Weak, shallow breaths escaped his lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was wrong...so, so wrong. Only minutes ago Javier was smirking at him, grinning at his own dumb joke about replacing Steve. Javier was supposed to be smiling, that cocky self assured smile, that smile that told Steve everything would be okay. He was supposed to be okay, he wasn’t supposed to be on the ground with a bullet in his abdomen, he wasn’t supposed to be writhing in agony.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Steve…?” Javier wheezed, his hand blindly reaching out to grasp at his partner. Steve instinctively took Javier’s hand in his own, squeezing it desperately. Javier forced his eyes open, his wounded gaze meeting Steve’s. “A-Are you...okay…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Javier, what the fuck?! Y-You got fucking shot, and you’re askin </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>if I-I’m okay?!” Steve snapped. Javier flinched, and Steve instantly regretted yelling. Yet he couldn’t comprehend how in the fuck Javier could be worried about </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>safety instead of his own. Javier always looked out for him, even when Steve felt he didn’t deserve it, even when Steve felt it was his own fault…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hang on, Jav,” Steve swallowed hard. “Stay with me, mi amor, stay with me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything felt like a blur. Steve scrambled his walkie-talkie out of his belt. He could barely hear his own voice as he called for backup, his words spilling in a rapid string of panic. Bystanders had begun to gather, staring in shock, bewilderment, and horror. Steve yelled at them in a string of both English and broken Spanish, warning them to get back, then </span>
  <em>
    <span>pleading </span>
  </em>
  <span>them to send help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shedding off his own jacket, Steve laid it overtop his partner’s wounds, applying pressure to slow the bleeding. Javier whimpered from the sudden pressure, his hand gripping tightly onto Steve’s arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, baby,” Steve choked out. “C-C’mon, you gotta hang in there…I’m gonna get you out of here soon.” Steve struggled to stop his voice from wavering. He had to stay strong for the both of them. But he couldn’t stop fixating on the way the blood soaked through his jacket, the warm stickiness that pooled between his fingers…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Shut up,” Steve’s voice cracked. “You shouldn’t be talking-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve, please!” Javier gasped, his voice thin and weak. “I-It hurts...it fucking hurts!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve felt himself collapse from the inside. “I know, baby, I know. I’m gonna make the pain go away, okay? I’m gonna make it all go away.” He pulled Javier into his arms. It wasn’t that long ago since Steve last held Javier like this after a nightmare, promising to protect him…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>...He couldn’t protect him. Javier had saved his life, and in turn Steve failed to protect him. No matter how many times Steve promised to make the pain go away, he was helpless against the agony that wracked Javier’s body. All he could do was hold him tight as they waited for help to arrive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steve?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought I said you shouldn’t be talking,” Steve said, looking down at his partner. Javier was looking up at him, those soft, precious brown eyes clouded with agony. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you sing to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The question pierced Steve’s heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please…? I need to hear your voice…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve swallowed, nodding slowly. “Okay, baby, if it’s gonna make the pain go away.” He held Javier protectively against his chest as he began to hum a familiar melody. He didn’t care who saw them. For a moment, he could pretend nothing else existed. For a moment, he allowed himself to believe that they were home and he was just comforting Javier from a nightmare, reassuring him that they were safe and protected. For a moment, he allowed himself to believe that his simple lullaby could take Javier’s pain away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He forced his voice to stay steady as he sang. Even as he felt Javier’s blood soak his fingers as he held him, even as he heard Javier’s soft whimpering and slowed breaths. Even as his voice began to tremble and his heart felt like it was collapsing, he kept humming the same sweet lilting melody that had comforted Javier so many nights ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nearby, he heard ambulance sirens screeching as they approached. He felt Javier’s grip on his arm begin to loosen, until his hand let go entirely. The contorted grimace on his face slowly faded, his eyes gradually fluttering closed as if being lulled to sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sob rose in Steve’s throat, causing his lullaby to waver. He couldn’t blink away the tears from streaming down his face, the teardrops gently landing on Javier’s skin. He hummed their lullaby even as he cried, hoping that his voice could keep Javier tethered to life for just a little bit longer.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm so so sorry, please forgive me q.q</p><p>I hope I delivered on the angst that i promised yall xDD Although I was planning on leaving this open-ended, I did get an idea for a follow-up...I have two different ideas for two different endings: the good ending, and the bad ending. What would you guys like to see? Would you guys prefer to keep this one open-ended? Or would you guys like to see an alternate ending? Please let me know what you guys think!</p><p>thank you again for reading and commenting. all of your comments have been giving me strength during these trying times &lt;33</p></blockquote></div></div>
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